As I’ve been sitting here I’ve found myself in the midst of wondering what it is that I really want of “me”, or the spiritual ‘being’ being birthed into this new feeling; refreshed and relaxed as I’ve lied myself over Winter’s frosted lips. She’s been keeping my heart cold, my liver hurting, and “me” in a conundrum of either hating myself or mauling over harsh words I’ve been spitting at thin blue lines. Reoccurring. Established thinking that is uneasy, restless, and waiting for that one specific moment when I can give myself up; Give myself in wholesome spirit and talkative times where we don’t pass one another waiting for the next sighting, but instead the eternal finding of “me” inside of Him.
My stomach is cramped my back is covered in glass beads waiting to sink down to the floor so they can be seen no more; So no one will know how nasty I feel about this mess I’ve created in figurative heat covering me in relentless waves, crashing down on me. I suppose it should hurt before it starts to feel good. Like a hot shower that stings the cold before you warm up and put both feet in.
“People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” My God. My self-restrained me wishing, waiting, running towards His open door.
I’ve been there. The bottom of the floor, of everything that exists feeling. Numb yet terrified.
He is beside you. You are on His mind constantly, and like me, you probably are reaching this point because there’s no other being, book, theory, and so on that can soothe and truly replenish this void, slowly yet securely.
Gah, He loves you so much. You’re a powerful individual, and He smiles, He sings over you and what you will be.
This scripture has been quoted to me over 5 times from different individuals just in this month, and I think now I know why God brought it to my attention so many times, for you.
“Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” -James 4:9-10
Just let him break who you were, who you have been for who he designed and created you to be.